... invincible

Invincible. Superhero’s. This was this month’s theme. Maybe I’m two months behind Halloween or I secretly want to be a superhero  (who doesn’t?). Either way, this epistle ties into my last blog on happiness but with a dash of whimsical commentary and a splash of story time.

It’s the holidays…people are overwhelmingly stressed with monetary concerns, traveling, in-laws and so many to-do lists. I wonder how many people are happy. Happy to be with loved ones. Happy that loved ones are still with them to laugh, fight or cry together. Happy to “just be.” I’m not a huge fan of the holidays (call me Ms. Scrooge, if you will) because the meaning is lost—it’s all about money and gifts around this part of the year. Now, I’m not dawg-ing gifts, Thanksgiving or Christmas. I’m talking about how we act in the art of giving. I would rather give a gift that causes that loved one to spend painful time with me or time with each other as a family. Why? Is that technically giving me a gift? Sure, why not. But here’s my thought—I would rather give a gift that gave another person a chance to get out of the house, possibly some form of activity or event, and make it about TIME and the people you are with. Time, time, time! (No Beetle Juice needed)  People, you can refund an ugly sweater BUT you CAN’T refund time. Why waste it? The truth is that when we all get older we won’t regret not buying a pair of shoes or having a top brand article of clothing. No, we will regret the time we didn’t spend with people, creating memories that we wished we had.

Speaking of time… Story Time.

Not many people know that my brother has saved my life—multiple times. We weren’t the brightest kids growing up in a desert community (LITERALLY a desert) that had regular shootings, random kill that involved a freezer for storage, and plenty of dope to go around the neighborhood. We did have a very small handful of friends to ride dirt bikes with, play tag by ramming bicycles into one another, make dirt ramps, play hockey in the middle of a street, play any sport imaginable/ make up new games, and the list can keep going. It is definitely one of those moments you look back as an adult and think, “Wow, we were really stupid…but it sure was fun!” Trips going fishing/camping/canoeing/boating/hiking down the Snake River is included as fun. Bobby (his name is NOT Booby, just FYI, people have asked) and I would leave the boat and go scrambling up the canyon. Scrambling is rock climbing without any gear. Yes, another bright idea. Let’s go climb up a canyon wall, jump over ledges (mom, I hope you are not reading this), and then once we get to the top, have to find another way down, sliding down boulders, avoiding rattle snacks, and doing the “crab walk” because it’s too steep to stand or feet surf downhill (highly recommend). We would be gone for at least four hours, minimum. On one glorious Withrow adventure (Bobby is around 12 and I’m 10 years old-ish), there was a ledge/ gap that we needed to cross to continue up the canyon wall. Fun fact—this canyon is at least .5 miles looking down.

So… back to the ledge. More than ¾ of the way up, zig-zagging, we come across this ledge/gap. Two choices—go back down OR jump. If you are more than half way, no turning back, right? Jump it is! Bobby goes first. Looks easy, he jumbled just a little on the edge but he didn’t seem bothered. My turn—take a couple steps back and hoped that this white girl could jump. My feet landed on the edge of this gap, I begin to slip down, and my clasp on the wall isn’t holding. I didn’t panic because before I knew it, my brother had my forearm, lying on his belly while I’m struggling to find grip on the ledge with my feet, hands, body, anything. Bobby pulled me up, no words were spoken, we brushed ourselves off, and we continued climbing to the top. I would call that the “Withrow Way”—meaning, you don’t talk about what you need to talk about, you just keep going and avoid the situation. At the top Bobby said, “How about we find an easy way down?” I responded with, “Easy. Easy sounds good today.” Bobby and I choosing the easy way was a sign that both of us realized that that day was indeed a lucky day.

That day I felt invincible. Honestly, I feel that way most days and have since I can remember, always jumping over ledges, climbing up boulders, jumping out of planes, climbing the tallest peaks so I  could see  the world— this is all I’ve ever known, to want to go higher and faster. When I was 2.5 years old I waited for my dad to get home from work to take my training wheels off my bike. You see, my brother didn’t have training wheels and he could ride faster, leaving me behind. Training wheels restricted my freedom. Mom did tell me “no” so I first tried to take the wheels off myself. No luck, so I waited, knowing if I had the tools needed, set right by my bicycle, then dad wouldn’t say no— and it worked. I took off down the street when those training wheels came off, peddling as fast as a vertically challenged kid could. This was just the beginning of feeling like nothing can stop me.  It’s not the smartest feeling, granted, but I would rather have a feeling of freedom than a feeling of imprisonment. Some people may call it an “adrenaline-junky addiction” but I call it a “why-not-mentality.” To each their own.

I feel like we’ve lost the meaning of what happiness is. It is not an object or person. To me, happiness is this unattainable sensation inside that you can feel but can’t see. Kind of like the wind if you are in an open field—you can feel the wind blowing your hair and clothes but you can’t actually see the wind (unless a dust devil comes around).  Why do we constantly look outside of ourselves for happiness? Where did we learn this? Happiness is now. It’s not maybe tomorrow. It’s not maybe when I buy this or travel there or ____________. Happiness is within each one of us, individually. Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Well, how about no one can take away your happiness without your permission? Trust me, I get that life really, really sucks sometimes. Maybe I need to give my bittersweet past more credit because those events have made me realize how watchful I need to be to cautiously handle my happiness. Maybe I need to realize how blessed I am to have lived in “darkness/emptiness” because now I can see the light when everyone else seems to be misplaced. Maybe, just maybe, I am finally becoming thankful for my scars after so many years. The moment you believe you are stronger than you were told, chains will start to be broken and invincibility will grow. Fall down seven times; get back up eight-- that’s the trick.

There was a moment in college I realized that I had fallen into the cookie cutter Christian “look.” I had a purity ring on my wedding ring finger-- people would look at it, some would ask about it, and it opened up great opportunities to talk to strangers about life and decisions. Then one day I lost my purity ring (insert gasp!). No, that doesn’t mean I have slept my way in bedrooms or been viewed on “girls gone wild.” I wasn’t sad when I couldn’t find my ring but became amazed at how many people correlated the ring with me and asked where it went and why I wasn’t wearing it, hearing their assumptions through their tone of voice. I didn’t understand why there was no care from my end. Did this mean I was done trying to be a “Christian”? Was this me telling God I’m going to become a hell-raiser? No. It made me question my actions—can people tell I have a relationship with Jesus by the way I talk to them, act toward them and spend time with them? Do they feel genuine love from words I speak and questions that I ask? Do they leave our conversations feeling condemned or embraced through grace?  Do they feel loyalty and trust? Do they still feel alone in their walk through life?  Have you ever asked yourself how people feel when they leave you and your words you speak? #RealityCheck. Words are also non-refundable and in most cases, actions are, too.

I’ve concluded that I’m not invincible physically, for my superhero powers have some limits (emphasis on some, haha) … but internally I’m unshakable. It’s a mentality—not cockiness, arrogance or believing you are superior over another. It’s a principle I learned I had years ago when I least expected it—the darkest skies have the brightest stars. Thomas Jefferson said, “In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” So here is a principle: you deserve to be happy. You were not born into this world to be unhappy, walked all over, disrespected or forgotten. You were born with a purpose of love, joy, adventure, peace, laughter AND happiness. Sometimes we lose sight of the goodness in our lives because life gets hard and keeps beating and throwing everything at us, to the point of us thinking we are going to “break,” that we become tired and distracted of what happiness really means. Notice it’s the moment we “think” we might break—ahhh the internal struggle.

I don’t wait to be happy. You shouldn’t either. You deserve to be happy NOW (right meow!). Somewhere along the line of generation to generation, it has been passed on that you can’t be happy until you have __________.  It’s time to break that circle of emptiness.  No more excuses—if you want to be happy, be happy.  I know too many people that are unhappy and just waiting for the right day to come and things will change. The situation you are in will not change without your action. It breaks my heart to see people trapped in their own life. I hear comments like, “You don’t have kids so you can go do this and that,” or “you don’t own a home so you don’t know what a mortgage is.”  Yes, both of those are very true -- I only know the Aunt side of having kids and the renter side of a mortgage-- but it’s not about what you have, it’s the condition of your heart and mind. What I do know—brokenness, being empty and alone; I also know joy, peace, and holy laughter. Again, happiness is not an external issue—it’s your mind set. Last example (I promise), just this past weekend Bobby and I almost got side swiped in Bernie (my Suby)—talking inches here. It was snowy, people make mistakes, and this guy pulls out of a subdivision and forces me to swerve into oncoming two lane traffic (no cars luckily). My response-- we didn’t get hit! YES! Bobby’s response, well… was a little different. Needless to say, our outlooks were very different. I was laughing—he was not.

So how on green Earth does happiness, invincibility and time correlate? I have no idea—that’s your own opinion. To me, it is always now. That is reality. That is truth. Once I realized this truth, there was a shift in my mentality/outlook on life. I can’t name the day/time when this change happened a while back, but I can say that it is very different from what I was used to. The best way I can describe this would be: freedom. Freedom from my past, freedom from planning my future—this freedom allows me to be in love with life.

The take-away from this rant-- just know that you don’t have to plan months in advance for happiness. Happiness is now.

Just go. Get lost. Be happy.

Not all who wander are lost,

Whit

"So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun."    Ecclesiastes 8:15, NLT